December 17

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Do You Struggle With Loving Yourself?

Do you struggle with loving yourself? Why does this happen? From our experience, there are some common obstacles.

Do you struggle with loving yourself

1. Lack of awareness

People struggle with loving themselves first because of a simple lack of awareness. Some people have never even heard of self-love!

2. Expectations

Another common reason you might struggle with loving yourself is unrealistic expectations, like feeling like you have to be perfect or look perfect. Maybe you think that you must serve others. We internalize so many messages, and those affect how we feel about ourselves.

3. Invalidating environments

Often, lack of self-love comes from growing up in invalidating environments and not getting our needs met. Especially early on in childhood. If your parents didn’t provide unconditional love, it creates childhood wounds that affect your ability to truly love, trust and respect yourself. For example, if your parents only showed affection for you when you “behaved,” you learned that you had to earn love. 

As we grow through life, critical messages we receive from others continue the cycle of pain. Because of that we believe that to be worthy, we need to accomplish more so that we can get the validation we crave. 

4. Negative beliefs

Negative beliefs can create huge obstacles to self-love. And most of those beliefs are unconscious and stem from those early childhood experiences—almost 95%. We are only conscious of about 5% of what we believe! And the bad news is that negative beliefs lead to negative self-talk.

5. Deeply rooted trauma

Deeply rooted trauma can severely impact your ability to truly love yourself as does abuse and abusive relationships. If you have severe unresolved trauma, we encourage you to get professional help to begin the healing process.

6. Isolation

Isolation, lack of support, and difficulty connecting with others can also rob us of self-love. We are loving beings, and all of us need love. 

7. Failure

Failure and rejection, like divorce or job loss, can cause devastating consequences, especially if your worth is tied to external achievements.

8. Shame

Shame is a common obstacle. Shame is so destructive and can cause people to struggle with self-love. Unlike guilt, where you feel bad about something you did wrong, shame is a feeling that you are wrong or bad. How can you love yourself when you feel like that? Shame can stem from many things like sexuality or addiction—even poor judgment. Check out Brene Brown to learn more about shame.

9. Resentment

Resentment and lack of forgiveness will stand in the way of truly loving yourself. This can be resentment towards yourself or other people.

10. Lack of meaning

And finally, not knowing what your purpose in life is. When you discover your sacred purpose and have meaning in your life, it automatically increases your self-love. You matter—your life matters. And you have something to focus on other than your faults. 

If you struggle with loving yourself, don’t be too hard on yourself. Everyone struggles at one time or another. Please be kind, gentle, and patient with yourself through this process. Change takes time. All it takes is a willingness to change and a willingness to practice new habits consistently. Explore ways to love yourself more.

Jess & Kara


Our life’s calling is to help you increase your confidence. It is a culmination of our life experiences, study, and real-world trials and tribulations. We are dedicated to teaching you how to build your confidence and empower you by providing inspiration, support, resources, and proven techniques so that you can feel better about yourself and create a life that truly embodies your unique greatness.


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